Vanity Fair published an article Thursday that asked eight prominent television writers to describe their own fantasies of President Trump resigning from office.
Headlined “Breaking News: Trump Resigns! (Not Yet),” the piece requested these “astute observers of human behavior to come up with two scenarios of how Trump will leave the Oval Office.”
Many of the imagined scenarios relied on tired Trump insults. Danny Zuker, executive producer for Modern Family, wrote the following:
Fade in: intelligence briefing. We are close on Trump’s bloated, porcine face, the kind of face that would immediately disqualify a person from judging others’ appearances. He yawns, wipes some KFC extra-crispy batter from his most northern chin. Then he gets an idea. A light-bulb moment. Not a bright light bulb—more like the bulb in that emergency flashlight you find buried in your junk drawer. He stands up and exclaims . . .
TRUMP: I quit.
INTELLIGENCE OFFICER: Wah wah wah wah wah?
TRUMP: I SAID, I QUIT!
Silicon Valley writer Megan Amram took a scatological route.
“Ffffffffpllllplplplplplplplppppluuuuuuuuuuugggffffffff.” (This is the sound of Donald Trump publicly sh***ing himself at a rally, then trying to cover his butt with Mike Pence’s sweater, but the sweater isn’t big enough to cover his big butt, so he slips and falls and can’t get up ’cause he’s covered in his own shit, so he’s pulled off by the Secret Service, never to be seen again.)
Another scenario imagines Trump not resigning, but instead having an “Executive Realignment” in which he moves into a replica White House and the country agrees not to talk about it as Trump continues to think he is president.
One blames an investigation that ties Trump to Russian interference in the election to undo Hillary Clinton, while another has him see what it would have been like had Clinton become president. Several tie his resignation to some form of a sex tape.